When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; What is man that You take thought of him, And the son of man that You care for him? Psalm 8:3-4 NKJV
I assured myself I was over it. My insides would not well-up and overflow the next time we sang "How Great Thou Art" at church. So much for that promise.
It was a surprise punch in the gut. We were singing a completely different song and then plopped right in the middle of a chorus. Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, how great Thou art, how great Thou art. I stopped singing to choke back the sobs. My sister next to me keeps singing and I can hear our Daddy's strong voice along with hers. She stops, hugs me tight, and in a hoarse whisper I say, "This time I thought it would be alright."
God has spoken clearly to me about giving Him my grief. Seven years after our father's death I am still raw with grief. If I learned anything from a grief recovery class, it's that we all grieve differently and for different amounts of times. Was there anything earth shattering about seven years? I've thought perhaps it was the biblical number 7 as a sign of perfection.
I really think for me the length of time has been my lack of obedience to God. Letting go of my grief means I let go of one more piece of my father. Like sea billows roll . . . It's time. I know that grief can jump up at me like a big wave in the ocean and surprise me. That was today. I also know that God is big enough. He's big enough to wash the grief away. If I allow God to be in control, those waves will no longer crash into and over me, making me toss and tumble.
Today, I feel the gentle lapping of the waves refreshing my spirit and whispering My God, how great Thou art.
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Action Item |
Write down and share a praise today on how God has demonstratedHis greatness to you.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for being a Father to those without a father on this earth. Amen.
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